


inner monologue

by creamnuggets



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Future Angst, I don't know if this is complex and deep writing or just plain bad but, IT - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Other, Summer, Summer Romance, i think, im just gonna tag the fuck outta this, it gets deep, lets get ut, mostly me projecting, my first writing bros, that looks bad but I don't think it is? lol, wowie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24267739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamnuggets/pseuds/creamnuggets
Summary: donghyuck has an overactive brain, constantly talking as if anyone is listeningsummers years ago someone listenedlove may exist, and is within donghyucks reach, but everything in this world is fleeting, so what is the point?-where donghyuck learns how to come back to earth with a return of the pastwhether it was a good return or not, mark has always possessed the ability to ground hyuck, somehow
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. start to understand

**Author's Note:**

> okay so it's literally 3:39am but I always have thoughts (yea I said self projecting in the tags ya boi didn't lie) so I decided to try and put them to use
> 
> um so yeet

Everything in our lives is fleeting. Quick. Enjoyed or entertained. But then gone. Maybe we bookmark it with the idea that it will be revisited, to be loved again. A false sense of hope that tells that we are being truly appreciative. But we’re not. Movies tell us these themes of love and passion are forever, but they’re only as forever as each frame. 

Gratitude is the most fleeting. We are grateful for these happy moments and how fast they can move on for new memories to feel relevant. Loved. The more the merrier it seems. 

But why can't one small thing be what determines the mood of a year? If you can fall in love with someone in one moment, the moment they looked up at you after telling an awful joke, the moment they broke your favorite dish, the moment they put on your own sweatshirt, why can’t we have one moment to cherish. Why must our love be something that doesn’t exist the moment it isn’t useful? The moment one has caused a blip. A fleeting moment. Among the rest. But there was a mistake within it. Suddenly all that love is gone. You were never grateful if that’s the case. You were selfish.

That’s all we are. Pigs hiding among pigs, wearing masks that suggest we are with smooth skin and live as ‘people’ when we know it ourselves to be a lie. All we do is lie and pretend we don’t know that, and take in all the ‘feel good’ things available. It’s all we do.

* * *

  
  


It didn’t take long for Donghyuck to get out of bed Monday morning, unlike last Friday when he’d spent an hour scrolling through Twitter, trying to find some enjoyment in maybe a meme of the sort to add to the bleak morning light before getting up. When he finally got up, Donghyuck made his way around the room getting ready. On his way to the kitchen for breakfast, Donghyuck stopped by the window first. He’d never noticed before how the tree in front of the window cast such a harrowing sort of shadow with the morning suns’ rays. It was one of the most serene things Donghyuck had given attention to in what felt like too long. _You don’t need some aesthetics account to see beautiful things, just the right mindset to find it in front of you_. It was the first time in a while that Donghyuck had slowed things down and just. Inhaled.

With this inhalation, which was that shared moment with nothing except them and the morning shadows, Donghyuck was given a reminder. He spent some extra time appreciating old objects that used to mean so much to them, like old rollerblades from years and years past, hidden away in a box stowed away in the stark closet. As he put them on, choosing to ignore the slight squeeze around the ankles, memories reeled in. They almost gave Donghyucks’ half awake brain whiplash, going from an empty mode to everything of the past zipping in and out. Memories of speeding down to the local gas station with friends, only a few blocks away from their houses, but they all needed to get their spongebob ice-cream pops with haste- or at least before any of their parents noticed the absence of their unruly play. How, one time Donghyuck had chosen to use the other side of the streets’ sidewalk, but being unfamiliar with its cracks, he’d taken a fall. It was the last time Donghyuck had used the rollerblades, he recalled. It was the last time Donghyuck felt normal, almost. He ignored the reason behind that thought and decided then to carry on, quickly, as normal. No more zipping.

As Donghyuck slung his little sack thing over their shoulder; _let me do my own thing, you can judge it if you want, but then I get to make fun of your painted brows,_ Donghyuck recalled saying to a friend, Gin who’d previously accused that _your attempts to be non-mainstream are making you look homeless._ Not non-mainstream, whatever that is, just not pitiful and submissive to everything around me, Donghyuck thought. Going down the apartment buildings stairs made Donghyuck rethink his decision to put the blades on before reaching the first level- _not stupid, just adventurous?_ There was no true harm done unless a bone ended up broken.

Once he’d opened up the double doors to the outside, Donghyuck realized he was in just too good of a mood before a Monday 7am lecture, but thanked the pause at their window for setting such a tone. Being appreciative of what we are given from up above isn’t all that crazy until it happens. But so many things in the past have taken their toll in order for Donghyuck to get to this point. A point where all the intrusive and drowning thoughts and expectations from both the inside and out aren’t able to hurt him. _Because, those thoughts are just as fleeting as my happiness, so first I must gain happiness from not quick ‘feel goods,’ but from things that will last and be rooted in me forever. Then the darkness can eat at me, because I can fight it off_. Donghyucks’ inner monologue was prolific, bountiful, and he was sad that only he could hear it. But maybe that’s what keeps it so constant, so golden. 

* * *

Robert Frost may have said nothing gold can stay, but what if we make the best out of the silvers, the coppers, the bronze-because they can be gold too, just if appreciated as they should be. Being rare shouldn’t make something better than the rest. Neither does being unobtainable. We feel as if being rare or unobtainable is the best, because the things that are so are always the things of desire. However, if people were to discover ways to appreciate the desirable things, they would be in abundance. But, then the question is, would they no longer be desired if they were a commodity? We all desire love, but true love seems so unattainable, partially because humans are too caught up in the quick and fleeting stuff to do the work it takes to obtain something like love. They don’t want the long and suffering pain it takes. People don’t want the risk of being turned away. They want it and they want it now.

Maybe Johnny Cade died, with ‘nothing gold can stay,’ on his lips, not because he was golden but lost, but because he appeared golden, yet the paint was chipping off and the plastic underneath was showing. We can keep lying to ourselves, putting these gold painted plastic masks on and write beautiful poems that take the responsibility and failures off of us and onto quick sayings, making our mistakes fleeting. Johnny died not because he saved the children, but because ignorance caused that fire to occur. Your girlfriend left you not because she was stuck up, but because you refused to see past her. Donghyucks’ day could’ve been bleak, but he chose to see the morning light, and appreciated the silver he had been handed.

* * *

It had been the summer of 2015 when Donghyuck's friends would only use the term ‘bleeding the snake’ whenever they had to pee. It was quite awful. It was also the summer they could actually earn the money for spongebob ice-cream pops, and not steal from swear jars-or just kept the stealing at a minimum. But most importantly, it was the summer Donghyuck started to react differently to the things around them, and it started with slowing things down. 

When Donghyuck tripped on the uncharted territory that was the opposite sidewalk, the first thing he saw when looking up was not the sky, but a boy. A new boy, but the same as any boy: tennis shoes, once white but now marked up and left with streaks of blue and yellow, some white here and there with a dirty future as well, a button up shirt with palm trees, a novelty Donghyuck has yet to see in real life. But atop his head was striking neon blue hair. It was so ugly, yet the boy wore a smile so big it didn’t look outlandish, it belonged. _Are you okay?_ Only then did Donghyuck process that you’re supposed to talk to the sonic boy, not gawk. Never once had Donghyuck watched Sonic, _or do you even watch it? Isn’t it a game?_ But he couldn’t stop himself from blurting out:

“I like Sonic”

“What?” The boy had been in the middle of offering Donghyuck help up, but looked so thrown off he couldn’t even correct himself because he was too busy holding down a laugh. “Do you want to go to Sonic?”

“What?”

“I have ten bucks, and the closest Sonic is approximately six point five kilometers from this block.”

“Six point five?” Donghyuck thought this kid was hilarious.

“Did I not say that? We should move, before that clots up with all the rocks in it. My cousin once fell off a bike and let the gashes close up rocks and everything. Now his knees are bumpy. I always wondered if it would get infected with gangrene or-”

“Clots?” Donghyuck was on his feet, and the cuts on his hands started to burn, but all he could focus on was this kid's constant flow of words. It wasn’t annoying. It was endearing. However, shutting up would be a great idea. 

“Yeah. Clots. So should we clean that up before it does.” The boy took his arm and inspected the cuts, and turned off, arm still in grasp, as if Donghyuck knew where the hell he was going. The scary thing was, suddenly Donghyuck had no voice, an oddity if anything, because he constantly was thinking, but even his inner voice was silent. “My name is Mark. Like Eric, but cooler. But you can call me Sonic? I just realized that’s what you meant by the way. Unless you still want to go to Sonic, because that doesn’t sound bad.”

Mark had stopped walking to turn back to Donghyuck, waiting for an answer. Donghyuck, however, was still processing things, malfunctioning a bit. “Mark.”

“Yes?”

“Ummm… I think there is a gas station around the corner. We can go there.”

It was the most awkward start to a summer friendship, but the two fit together so oddly it worked. Mark used huge fancy words, and Donghyuck would incorporate them into his monologues, and also felt comfortable enough to share them with Mark whenever one started, even in the middle of a conversation, because they worked like that. Random. The best parts were when they were quiet. 

_I think the best part of you, Donghyuck, is that you treat no one like they’re normal but also not like they’re new. At a distance but comfortable. I love that._

With that, it was late August, and Donghyuck had all but abandoned their group of friends since that one June day for Mark, or what they deemed Donghyuck's new ‘imaginary friend,’ unseen but always heard. Donghyuck didn’t know if they were joking, if they actually thought Mark was made up, but he never questioned their friends, just like he never questioned anything. 

The end of summer was spent either with Mark, sitting on top of the roof of his cousins house, where he was staying for the summer before returning home to Korea, or adventuring with his friends, not mentioning Mark anymore, _out of jealousy? Possessiveness?_

They’d fought, as children do, over a mediocre incident. Mark had said spongepops were stupid. This set Donghyuck off on a tear, how even if he didn’t like them, Mark didn’t have to ruin everyone's fun by stating his unwanted opinion. Mark would have agreed with that, but chose to bring in some bigger themes, arguing that people are entitled to their opinions, and Donghyuck needed to accept that. Donghyuck was livid.

“You can’t just say what you want!”

“I’m pretty sure there is a law here stating that I can actually!” Mark sped after Donghyuck, whose back was turned and on his way to exit the skatepark grounds.

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay, it doesn’t mean people won’t be hurt or that you are wrong for what you say. It’s insensitive.” Mark didn’t realize how hurt Donghyuck had been by the bigger picture of the argument, but as a tear slid down the others cheek, he stopped.

“I’m sorry”

“Why?” Donghyuck had stopped moving, and turned to face the boy. “Are you sorry because I’m crying? Because then I’m sorry.” He laughed.

Mark's face, however, became sullen. “I’m sorry because I didn’t listen to you and just tried to push what I thought.”

Donghyuck didn’t stop laughing. “Gosh, why do you have to be such an adult. It’s unfair. We are fifteen. I want to hate you for something, please let me.” Donghyuck looked at the taller boy, whose neon blue hair had faded to a dusty silver. It reminded them of the moon, and he told him. So that night, with a week remaining before school started, and a day before Mark left to return home, they stargazed. 

It was the summer of 2015 that Donghyuck slowed down. Not his brain, whose monologues were only fueled by the addition of Mark’s intellect, but his heart. His theoretical heart, of course. The one that loved and so on. His heart slowed down to take in moments, whether they be the little tics in Mark's mannerisms or what time the birds started to chirp. Some would say it was when Donghyuck fell in love. Donghyuck would say it wasn’t love he found in Mark, but love Mark gave, released, exhaled, that allowed them to be grateful for what was happening around him. He was unique, or as adults say, neuro divergent. But to Donghyuck, Mark was what he thought the world needed to stop moving so damn fast.

* * *

Donghyuck had fallen asleep in the library when studying, which sounded oh so peaceful, but the crick in his neck said otherwise. Checking his phone, the first thing that showed up was a little comic. It was cute, a cat and boy standing in the rain.

“I’m sad” He said

“Try adding ‘for now’” The cat insisted.

“I’m sad… for now”

It almost gave Donghyuck some peace of mind, assurance, which was most likely the creators intention, most of @swatercolour’s works being uplifting of the sort. It was a cute style, but he couldn’t help but replace ‘sad’ with ‘happy.’

The worst part of trying to differentiate real happiness with the spoon fed quick happy that the media was all too happy to share with the world was that it gave Donghyuck a sense of distrust. _Is this really happiness? Will it last? Does this have purpose?_ It created this emotionally distant rift in all of his relationships. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust himself or the other party, but what it all meant. In the end, the result is what worried Donghyuck most. He had stopped slowing things down to make the most of the given happy, but started sifting through everything to try the right happy. It wasn’t gratefulness but apprehension that became of Donghyuck.

  
  



	2. realizations are scarier than ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> donghyuck receives the news that he had always dreaded. or had he?
> 
> past donghyuck and friends reveal more of themselves in some fun ghost hunting adventures
> 
> what will this all lead up to though?  
> ~I dunno man~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a lot less stream of consciousness and rambles and present stuff going on here- mostly a filler to help get a feel for their friendships that will be relevant to plot later on, as well as just me getting a feel for how I'm going to write this-don't be surprised if the style and so on fluctuates!!  
> <3I love everyone that simply reads this anyways so bear with me, and feel free to comment constructive criticisms 
> 
> I myself like the gang adventuring and ghost hunting, so expect more!

When Donghyuck arrived home that night from the library, there was no slowing down and appreciating. Honestly, there was nothing special about his flimsy twin bed in the corner of his blank dorm room anyways, especially since laying down always brings the most intrusive ‘things’–things since the subject matter varies–and the space between falling asleep leaves one's consciousness so vulnerable that they can’t even be ignored. It was the thing Donghyuck would never come to be grateful for–the memories and regrets flowing through. Almost too fast to dwell on, but leaving a bad taste. It didn’t set Donghyuck up for a relaxing night's rest. 

⬅

“Maybe I should make a Youtube channel.”

“Maybe you should not.” Renjun didn’t even bother looking up from his playstation. Donghyuck threw a pillow, but missed miserably, still unable to control his growing fourteen year old body. 

“Okay and why? I have too much to say and no one to say it to.”

“Maybe if the things you said made sense, then people would be able to think you’re sane. At the very least” his friend muttered. “I’m not saying you aren’t entertaining, Hyuck, but people aren’t gonna waste their time on things that don’t apply to them. Also known as you popping off for a crazy amount of time over the most absurd topics.”

“That was just mean.” Donghyuck had been ranting to Renjun about the world and how there is a cycle of needing things quick but not caring for quality and how it would be the world's downfall within the decade. Because that’s the sort of thing people watch on Youtube. Fourteen year olds ranting about the economy. 

The two were waiting for their other four friends to get them for their ‘weekly adventure.’

“Hyuck, I want a slushie. Can you back me?” 

“Do I look like I fart money?” That earned him a kick. Renjun was still reclining on the overstuffed bean bag chair–a novelty only Renjun appreciated. Ever since Jaemin said it was filled with dead spiders, everyone pretended it didn’t exist in their hangout room–aka his mother's abandoned sewing room. Not that Renjun cared. Donghyuck’s friends were clingy and obnoxious, even in the hot summer days; given space from them was sacred. It was worse when Jisung bought Chenle two spongepops; the youngest completely susceptible to the pleading eyes as the older kids weren’t. No one could escape a Chenle on sugar high. Even if studies proved sugar highs false, Mark would claim years later, it was undeniable that sugar turned the kid into a cuddle demon. The only safe place was that very bean bag chair. 

When Renjun finally got up, the remainder of the gang had arrived on their wheels, clad in helmets and shin-guards, standing on the sidewalk waiting for the rest to join them. 

“Ready to go douchebags?” Jaemin yelled up to Donghyuck and Renjun through the open window. 

“Language!” Renjun yelled back, and then to Donghyuck, “is that a swear?” Donhyuck shrugged. 

The two finally made their way outside: Donghyuck with his roller skates, proudly showing off their new aluminum plating, and Renjun on his Radio Flyer, which barely counted as a skateboard. The thing was so chunky, the wheels a hard plastic, plus the wood was chipping. Not a day went by where Jeno or Jaemin ceased to poke fun at the ancient thing. 

The boys were on their way to the park that was further than their usual ride, and along the way they had to cross the busy main road. As young and inexperienced teenagers, it made their day exciting, and would be forgotten the next day. Maybe in years future, Donghyuck thought, he’d remember. As they moved on, he started to lose focus in the fuss of Jisung and Jaemin current quarrel, and lost himself in his thoughts, once again. 

_This won’t last forever. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be glad for that, but in five years will I miss it? Or, in ten, will I be thankful I moved on? In twenty, will I wish I stayed outside more? What will become of me?_

He gave a sudden jolt when Chenle skated beside him, the only other in the group that preferred blades to the board, and was instantly pulled out of his thought comma, even completely losing the questions that had just bombarded him a second ago.

“You good Hyuck?” The boy's eyes twinged with worry, but his rosy cheeks suggested he was asking with love. The demon was the most endearing person Donghyuck knew.

“Of course Lele, I’m just not invested in velociraptors as Jisung is. Nor In Jisung as you are.” And just like Renjun, Chenle wasn’t afraid to give him a punch, rosy cheeks just plain red now.

“Well eyes on the road Hyuck, don’t need you getting run over because your fifth inner TED Talk of the day is so interesting that you can’t even stay on the sidewalk.” Chenle giggled.

The next day at school, Jisung was giving Jaemin and Chenle the silent treatment for scaring him last night along their return home, when the back alleys were only lit up eerily with street lamps and stray moonlight. Easy enough to say even Jeno jumped, and he knew what the two little fuckers were up to. Donghyuck, however hadn’t noticed, as usual, but the cause this time was not because of his stream of consciousness, but the dawning worry of the next school year. Highschool.

He remembered friends he would hang out with in the library–just like now–during the thirty minute wait for his bus to arrive a few years ago with Johnny, Jae and Xavier, when he had entered the fifth grade. He hadn’t seen them much since, but knew they’d grown and were now almost adults. Suddenly he stopped focusing on how scary it will be with all the grown seniors, but that he would be them next. The disdain that resulted from this realization must have been written all over his face, for Jisung tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a look. That was the thing about Chenle and Jisung, Donghyuck thought in that moment, when sitting side by side the juxtaposition between the two was obvious, but if you knew them, how they both reached out to people and gave comfort so easily, they weren’t different at all. 

“I’m fine Jisung. I was just wondering what will happen to you next year if you choose to ignore Chenle like this. Do you even have other friends like us?” Maybe Donghyuck had struck some chord within the younger, because his face flushed as he turned away.

“Maybe I would if he weren’t so clingy.” On the other side of the table, Chenle let out a shriek. It didn’t matter since the library was always bustling, but of course Renjun shushed the boy and threatened him with the book in his hand.

“I don’t think you mean that. Honestly, you’re the clingy one anyway. At least emotionally.”

“Ugh shut up Hyuck.”

And he did, but not before making an announcement to the table: “I think I have a great idea.” 

It really wasn’t that great. In hindsight, of course.

* * *

  
  


On Tuesday morning Dongyuck really was not feeling grateful. Fuck that. He was angry. Well he was grateful–because emotions were fleeting, so later he may not be angry. Fucking fleeting. He wished he could think of another word besides fleeting. But, in the now, he was angry. 

He woke up with a big red mark on his face from using his phone as a pillow, and then it wasn’t until he was out the door that he noticed the big stain on his sweater. Donghyuck decided to use the roller skates again and headed to a cafe, because it was either that or get no breakfast and pay for transportation. His mood suggested that going hungry was nothing but a bad idea.

Even though his university was a couple miles from his home state, Donghyuck could never get quite as used to the different layout of the streets. How the houses didn’t have the same architecture, no hints of German-Dutch but instead more cobblestone and barred windows. As he headed toward the more populated area of the city, leaving the more suburban section, even the rows of connected townhouses looked different. The sidewalks were brick, which was aesthetically pleasing, but required more leg work for Donghyuck. However, he arrived at the cafe, located in the more art deco section of the city. Once inside (he had packed some small sandals in his sack, and just slung around his skates) he placed his order, chamomile tea and a scone, and waited by the window.

It had been a week since he last messaged Jeno, Donghyuck having chuckled at some meme but leaving it for schoolwork. When he opened up the messaging app, however, he noticed a message request. _From Johnny._ It wasn’t suspicious, but it also had just been sent to him, so Donghyuck decided to wait a bit before opening it. He did, however, wonder what it could be. 

After Johnny had graduated, the two stayed in touch, especially what with Mark having grown close to the older boy as well. But when Donghyuck had no longer a reason to stay in touch, their contact wavered. 

Donghyuck looked up from his phone. He thinks his name was just called.

_Haechan._

A name he hadn’t heard in years. His? It didn’t belong to him. But it was once his… name? 

A nickname. That belonged to someone else. But his nickname.

However, when he looked up, he saw another's mop of auburn hair that was flopping atop their head, watched them stride up to the counter, hastily take the breakfast wrap situated there, and head for the door.

_What_

_The flying._

_Fuck_

Immediately, Donghyuck opened Johnny’s message. There had to be an explanation for what he just saw. One only Johnny would have, of course

⬅

What was Donghyuck’s brilliant idea? To scare the shit out of Jisung–no, scratch that, all of them. Because there the boys were standing, huddled in the corner of a train car, screaming their asses off. 

Seven hours earlier, their mothers were yelling at them from their doorsteps to _at least clean up your damn dinner plate!_ before heading off.

Nine hours earlier, Donghyuck had proposed they go ghost hunting. The great thing about their town was that it was smack dab in between the city, the suburbs, and the farms. Meaning there were plenty of creep empty abandoned places. From barely standing barns, abandoned houses with suspicious needles lying around, and best of all, train yards, which were ideal for tagging.

Five hours earlier, they had followed the tracks that started near the bridge next to the cow pasture for hours until they found the empty train cars. For those five hours they waited for nightfall.

Jisung wore a brave face the entire time, while Chenle looked as if someone slipped him a laxative. Donghyuck suspected it was out of worry for the youngest, and it was sweet. He almost felt sympathetic, but that would be kind of redundantly crappy since, after all, this was all Donghyuck’s doing. 

One hour earlier they finally got up from their perch atop one of the cars, turned off their lamps and music, and headed out. Where exactly, wasn’t a known variable. The group of boys just kept on hopping over tracks, walking around cars, as if they could find something. They stopped at the abandoned train booth, where once someone had sat for hours and hours waiting for a train to, maybe, hit a switch or two to change the tracks. So simple and boring, but important. Donghyuck found it sweet. Jaemin found it sweet. Correction: he found the switchboard sweet, and looked like a child in a candy shop. Before anyone could stop him, he Jaemin had touched… something. 

Suddenly the tracks became alive. The old lamps covered with webbing gave a muted glow, but suddenly, the darkness was replaced by their lighting while also casting stark shadows.

“You dumbass!” Renjun ran to open the booth door, ready to drag Jaemin out by the ear. “You’re gonna fuck something up!”

“Dumbass? Watch your language… plus more like amazing? Are you seeing this?” Everyone looked around. Besides the eerie shadows, everything was aglow. 

Renjun had dragged Jaemin out of the booth, but no one moved. Eyes opened and in awe, it was as if the boys were empty headed but at the same time thinking of a million things. A new hideout? Was this supposed to be a secret? _Is this illegal?_ Renjun may seem like the mom of the friend group–the first to drag them away, but actually:

“We should like. Pinterest this up. The bean bag. String lights. Boom. We’re like cool. Boom.” Everyone slowly turned to him and, taking one look in each other's eyes, it was clear they all were visualizing the same thing.

So there they were, screaming their asses off. To be completely honest, Donghyuck and the rest of them had completely forgotten about the plan to go ghost hunting, but it seemed as if the plan hadn’t forgotten them.

When they were scouting for the perfect train car to set up their hideout, one of the cars they had looked in suddenly close in on them. Unlike the others that had sliding doors, this one had a trunk of the car type hatch, and they had to prop it up with the metal bar lying inside. 

Once inside, it seemed perfect, until of course the hatch closed them into the dark. Suddenly they were all huddled together in the corner, with no care for their surroundings. Donghyuck and Jisung were jumping up and down, swatting at the air, screeching. Renjun and Chenle had been standing right by each other, and when the door slammed so loud, they immediately hugged each other and covered their ears, whimpering. Best of all, Jaemin was on the floor in a ball. They knew this, because Jeno recorded the entire thing. 

“You asshole!” Donghyuck wasn’t as scared, shock having worn off, but seeing Jeno laughing so hard pissed him off.

Jeno was not one to cause trouble or prank the boys. That was always Jaemin, who seemed to gain extreme doses of serotonin from each stunt. Jeno was, at most, a side kick or partaker to the never ending shenanigans.

“I swear I didn’t do it! I just happened to catch it when showing this place off to snapchat!” Jeno held up his hands as he made his defence, but it didn’t make things better. Jaemin was still rolled up on the ground, shaking. Renjun was livid.

“Who said you could show anything off? Why can’t we just have one thing to ourselves dammit!” His hands were waving everywhere. They were standing outside, back near the booth, all shaking off the previous events. Renjun was backing Jeno up against one of the graffiti decorated aluminum sides of a car.

Their group was made up of colorful personalities. Which meant, clashing opinions, differing decisions, and so on. It made for a great, entertaining, never ending dynamic, but could also be troubling. They’ve had their share of childish quarrels, splits, and so on. This was nothing new. 

“The six of us are always out and around. We can never have one thing that is just us besides each other. No secrets, no nothing. Because everyone knows! This entire fucking town just knows!” He was losing it. Jeno looked over Renjuns shoulder, and Donghyuck agreed as they made eye contact. It was bad. Renjun never got so heated. Something was up.

“Guys”

“Don’t guys me dammit. I’m making good points. We are going to highschool soon. We are going through stages. And I’ve seen you all through them. Have you ever cared to-

“Guys!” Jisung yelled. He’d been staring at the ground for the past five minutes of Renjuns ranting, comforting Chenle next to him. Only, it wasn’t the ground he was staring at, but Jaemin. He was crying. 

  
  


That night, they all learned that maybe Donghyuck wasn’t the only one in his head. Renjun feared the future as much as them, but in different ways. He feared for their friendships, the only reliable relationships he had ever known was with the boys. Jaemin had always hidden his own fears, and never felt comfortable enough to share them. When the school year came to an end a few weeks later, the train yard was almost complete. It became a place the could share everything without the leering eyes of their small town.

They spent the summer before their freshman year tying together loose ends they never knew had frayed. The knots would always be visible in their friendship, but served as proof to how hard they would try to stay connected.

If you were new to town, then in the coming years you wouldn’t be familiar with the trademark bracelets worn on the wrists of seven boys, but soon you would recognize them. 

In the next summer, however, the bracelets earned new knots. Love always changed friendships.

* * *

_Hey Donghyuck. I’m sorry that I haven’t kept in touch, makes me feel unloyalish almost. lol. I’ve been doing well, with that job I was telling you about._

_To get to the point,, uhh. Well. I know you should be the first to know that Mark is also going to be attending E-town soon. Maybe it’s a good coincidence. Unravel some tangled ropes, you know. I don’t think there was ever an issue, just communication stuff._

_Gosh didn’t mean to overshare my thoughts, but all I’m asking is to consider opening up again? He’s changed. And that’s good. Right?_

Right?

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that was a lot to write even if it was supposed to be a filler.
> 
> thanks if you read down to here and feel free to hit that kudos, etc <3

**Author's Note:**

> so if you survived this first chapter of drabble, congrats! I am very sure that as I continue to write and get more comfortable and develop better writing skills this will turn into actual pic material and be the romance you probably want, I promise it will be good when it gets to that
> 
> also if you're confused about the Johnny cade reference, he was a character from the book the outsiders


End file.
